I’m sitting on the plane waiting to embark on my first solo backpacking adventure. I don’t know how I feel really. Or maybe I expected myself to feel either excited or nervous – none of which I do. I am relatively calm… and open for whatever lies ahead. Which, I guess, is a good position to be in.
I’m travelling with American Airlines and I have to state… this is actually more luxurious than I’d imagined: we each have individual TV’s in front of our faces (for the record, this is not new to me, I have travelled on a plane before, but I didn’t expect to have this with the amount of money I paid) we have a good amount of space to spread out. So yeah… just waiting to take off and soaking up this whole experience in the meantime.
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I truly admire French films, or the few that I’ve watched: they tend to depict ordinary stories, usually about mundane lives but they’re twisted and created in such truthful and intriguing ways which keep me suspended whilst in awe at the brilliant simplicity of it all. I just watched Corporate (2017) , a film about a Human Resources manager whose actions inadvertently cause a man to commit suicide in the office perimeters (Ok, so maybe this isn’t your typical everyday story. But the environment within the film depicts true-to-life characters and circumstances).
As the story unfolds we learn that company has many skeletons in their closet that they’re trying to cover up. The acting in this film was terrific! Of course, this guided immensely by such brilliant writing. It captures such an accurate portrayal of humanity; the emotions we go through under certain circumstances, the way we speak, holding the essence of who we are. The film has everything from building a mundane and realistic corporate world, whilst offering just enough glimpses of spark to pique our interest; the subtlety of the acting is riveting.
I’ve always wondered how to tell if an actor is truly present on the first viewing but I think I’m starting to identify it and it’s magnified on TV: you see the actors clogs ticking, as they process their thoughts, they allow their bodies to be affected, rather than forcing a change. I first noticed it when I watched Benedict Cumberbatch’s Hamlet on NT: Live (or was it David Suchet in All My Sons?); there’s a certain radiance that emits from them which is truly entrancing to watch.
From a spectators point of view, there’s a real benefit from the actor letting go and being vulnerable. We see into their soul and project our own emotions into them; this I feel is better than plastering an idea of how I scene should be. This is something I strive for in every performance I give, but of course, this cannot come at the expense of telling the story clearly and truthfully. And it is just as beautiful in real life when we meet moments with openness, when we allow ourselves to just be ourselves for the vulnerable, tender beings that we are.
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Ok, so I think it’s going to a little bit harder than I thought it would be to converse in Spanish…
I got into the Downtown Beds Hostel around 10.30pm after a tediously long queue at the passport patrol. In that line I was a blatant oddball: felt the stares of everyone, and I allowed it to make me feel uncomfortable. I had to put in my music and remind myself why I am here “to push out of my comfort zone, to learn about another culture and in doing so I hope to learn more about myself”. Cool. Let the party begin…
I had a pleasant taxi journey from this man whose name I can’t remember. It was exactly at this point that I realised talking in Spanish would prove to me more difficult than I anticipated. But what was I expecting? To practise it for two months and be able to set foot in Mexico and stun the people here with my wonderous clasp of the Spanish language? Ha, Nate… I love you to bits but sometimes (a lot of the times) you have too high expectations of yourself. I need to allow myself to feel and be lost for a while – because it’s a humbling and enlighten process.
Let’s not beat around the bush: I’m shit scared right now. Or at least I was when I stepped out the taxi in this area full of strangers and walked into this hotel . Hostel. Not hotel.
I don’t know…
I guess I expected people around here to be more welcoming. As soon as I got to reception I felt the woman looked at me like I was dirt. It’s probably all in my mind. As soon as speak Spanish (or attempt to) I feel the people open up. This is definitely a time to buck up, face my fears and practise my Spanish. Fuck if I get it wrong!
But for now… I need to catch up on some sleep.
Dreamers Keep on Dreaming 